Posted in Anxiety and Experience

Today I was afraid…

Today I found that I was afraid of my own shadow and I jumped at the sound of my own raspy voice.
Today everything was so loud, whispers sounded like screams and harsh voices felt like I was being slapped across the face with each utterance,their small nuances savagely cut me with each exhale and each pause.
Today my heart raced so fast that I thought it would burst out of my chest.
Today I nervously bit my lip until it split, I gnawed on my fingers as if they were candy, leaving nothing but strips and bloody stumps behind.
Today I let the tears leak out of my eyes and pour down my face as a reminder that I can still feel, even if that feeling was numbness.
Today my breathing was rapid, coming in short gasping waves filled with sorrow and dread.
Today the monsters in my head lied to me and let me believe that the walls were caving, even though I was sitting perfectly safe and sound.
Today my hands shook and trembled as I desperately tried to grasp onto the recesses of reality.
Today, no matter how many times I repeated that I was safe, my mind screamed bullshit.
Today… I was lost in my own thoughts, my own fears, and my own self destruction.
But tomorrow is another day.
Tomorrow I might be able to bury the monsters deeper into the darkness and let my light start to shine through the cracks.
Tomorrow I can try to put one foot in front of the other until I’m back on track.
Tomorrow maybe I can see the vibrant colors all around me and allow their radiance to soak into my pores.
Tomorrow I hope I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and try to quiet the inner voice that fears everything different.
Tomorrow I might just be able to look at myself in the mirror and smile at my reflection.
Tomorrow I should be able to steady my hands and reach out for a tender reassuring touch.
Tomorrow is another day to try. ❤️

Author:

An introvert with her nose always in a book, I feel I express myself better in written word than I ever could in spoken conversation. A kitty mom with an open minded attitude, sarcastic tongue, and a hippie chick sense of style. I have experienced plenty of mental health challenges, relationship struggles, career changes, and world travel. I feel my experiences could be of use to someone somehow. I like to live with one foot firmly in real world serious topics while the other foot dances in fantasy of all types. Even if you are not here to stay, I am glad the universe brought you to visit for a while.

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